


First Love

by CaptainDemetrios



Series: Cuddle Squad [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:16:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDemetrios/pseuds/CaptainDemetrios
Summary: Anders is depressed around the anniversary of Karl's death, and while Fenris and Hawke try to distract him, Cutie knows he has to talk about his feelings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This says it's part 2 in a series, but the series isn't really in any kind of order, so this can be read on it's own!

Karl’s name started coming up more and more, as the day of his death drew closer again.

 

They noticed, but they didn’t say anything about it. Anders was more emotional around that day, and they didn’t want to make things any harder. Hawke stayed close to Anders, trying to distract him with hugs and kisses and gifts. Fenris tried to change to the subject whenever the Circle or Karl came up.

 

Cutie didn’t know what to do. Mostly, he said nothing. He wanted to help. He could see Anders was still in so much pain, and Hawke and Fenris… as much as they loved Anders, it wasn’t helping to try to keep him from talking about Karl.

 

-

 

Anders sat outside in the rain. It was only a light drizzle, but he had been out for so long his hair was already soaked and dripping. His head rested on one hand. Usually the rain made him smile, but not this time. He hadn’t smiled at all these past few days.

 

Cutie brought out a towel and an umbrella. He put the towel down and sat next to Anders. Anders looked at him and raised an eyebrow. 

 

“You aren’t going to melt, you know.”

 

“I don’t like to be wet.” Cutie said. He looked at Anders. “Do you want to talk?”

 

“What?”

 

“Do you want to talk… about Karl?” 

 

Anders looked away. “You don’t want to talk about that.”

 

“That isn’t what I asked.” Cutie said firmly. “I asked if YOU want to talk about him. What I want doesn’t matter right now. You’re always putting your wants second to everything. And Eli and Fenris… I love them, and they love you, but I don’t think they’re doing you any favors trying to keep you from talking about Karl.” 

 

Anders was quiet for a while, and Cutie knew he was holding back tears.

 

“I love you, and Eli and Fenris… but Karl.. he was the first person I ever truly loved.” His voice was rough and he stared up at the rain. “When they took him to Kirkwall… I… everything I did, I just wanted to get back to him. He made me so happy and…”

 

Cutie put a hand on his arm. 

 

“After he was-- after I--”

 

“You didn’t.” Cutie interupted. “You need to understand that, Anders. You didn’t do this to him. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

“It was my fault!” His voice cracked. “They did that to him because of me, if I could just--”

 

“Anders, they were going to do that to him either way! He was in Kirkwall, you know what Kirkwall did to the mages! The Templars killed Karl, not you.” 

 

Anders bit his lip, then continued.

 

“When Karl died, I thought I’d never be happy again. I lost my cat, I lost the only man who could ever love me--”

 

“We--”

 

“I know, I meant… It was before I thought Eli could love me back. I love- loved- him so much, and I… I killed him”

 

“You didn’t.” Cutie said again. 

 

“And now… I miss him.” Tears blended with rain down his cheeks. “I miss him so much, and I know I shouldnt…”

 

“Anders.” Cutie held one of his hands in both of his own. “It’s ok to miss Karl. It’s ok that you still love him.”

 

“How could that be ok? When I’m with you, and after…”

 

“You aren’t the reason Karl died.” He said again. “And Karl was your first love. Even if he hadn’t died, you would still love him. Karl was your first love, you’ll always love him. We understand that, and there isnt anything wrong with it. It’s ok to be sad about this, especially today. And no matter what Fenris or Eli do, it’s ok to talk to us about him. They’re just worried. They don’t know any better.”

 

Cutie pressed a rare and gentle kiss to Anders’ knuckles. Anders smiled and pulled Cutie into a tight hug. 

 

“I miss him so much…”   
  
“I know. I know you do.”

 

Cutie held him until he stopped crying, and the two went inside. Anders still didn’t smile much that day, but by the next week he was cheery again. Cutie was relieved to see it. 

  
Anders was one of his first loves. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was having feelings i needed to share. Dont forget to comment!


End file.
